Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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