I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
