Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
