he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
