I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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