Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My feet surprised me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
