My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
