I got chris browned last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
