That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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