Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
