So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
