I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
