If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hippo gnu deer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
