I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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