the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
