Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
