Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
