saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
