I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
