By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
