I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
