He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't turn off my feet"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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