Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize