last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
