I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
