I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
