but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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