im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
