I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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