Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't turn off my feet"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
