she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
