Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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