Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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