i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
