I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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