well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
