you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are the jesus of drinking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
