So drunk its hurt
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
