How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
