Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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