she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
