I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
