You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
