I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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