Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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