this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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