My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
