This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
