Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
pray to the hookup gods
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
