Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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