Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
