I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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