I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The feeling are messing with the penis
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
