can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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