last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
