oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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