i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this will be a night to untag.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
