my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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