He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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