I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize