Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
