that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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