Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
