We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
