We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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