remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
