Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
