Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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