do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
