Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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