There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
