You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize