i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
